Negotiation

Maybe I was wrong
twice—
love is neither finding someone
to fit an ideal,
nor welcoming someone
as she is—

There is a quality of love
I wanted
and did not receive
from God—

To be loved as I am,

to be expected
to change, to grow,
to make myself fit,
to belong
in His grand plan,

to be asked still
about my own grand plans,
to expect mutually of God,

and for God to change
and grow that He might belong
in me. That is how I learn now
to love myself—

In myself
divine ideal
yields to reality, reality yields
to divine ideal,
each yielding ground,
neither yielding essence.

I am learning now—
love is this gentle grace,
this skillfulness
turning constant negotiation
into a delight in itself—
it becomes difficult now
to tell the difference
between fighting and dancing
as we reel around one another,
yielding, firm,
smiling, laughing, resolute,
setting our boundaries,
changing our minds—

This in itself
makes a lovely way
to spend
precious eternity.